Men who buy sex: in their own words

Men who buy women and children for sex often regard them as less than human. We know this because the men themselves openly say so both in research and on customer review websites where men detail and rank the ‘services’ of the women they buy. These websites showcase the contempt these men have for the women they exploit.

We’ve collected a small sample of quotes from men who buy women. Several main themes emerge.

Regarding the women they buy as mere objects of sexual gratification and less than human

“Being with a prostitute is like having a cup of coffee- once you’re done with it, you throw it out.” Source

“I have an easier time treating them worse.” Source

“For gods sake woman…I just want you to get naked and suck my cock!...If you like big tits, she is your girl. Too much like hard work for me.” Source

“Some of the girls are lovely but most are just holes to f*ck.” Source

“She’s a sad waste of good girl flesh.” Source

“If you want an attractive receptacle for your semen she will do.” Source

“LOL what beautiful girls OMG! WTF are you talking about dogg??? They are all old as fuck and the only young ones are ugly junkies lol rather fuck a blow up doll lol” Source

A sense of entitlement to sex any way they want it with no regard for the woman they exploit

“I don't want them to get any pleasure. I am paying for it and it is her job to give me pleasure. If she enjoys it I would feel cheated." Source

“…She said “NO!” Sorry, what do you mean NO, this is what I paid for.” Source

“Well, she certainly knows what she’s doing and how to please a man. And there’s no damn nonsense about ‘don’t do this’ and ‘I don’t want it in there’ either. So, in a word, a perfect whore.” Source

“She was definitely on something…her oral (covered) was mechanical to say the least…No interaction at all. I know not all the girls enjoy it, but I’m not paying them to enjoy it- just to pretend that they are.” Source

“I took the lead and it was like shagging a corpse…Someone should inform her that a part of the job is to show some enjoyment and give some pleasure back to the punter.” Source

An opportunity to control and dominate a woman and perform degrading sex acts on her that their female partners refuse

“THERE ARE NO BOUNDARIES” Source

“If my fiancée won’t give me anal, I know someone who will.” Source

"You get to treat a ho like a ho...you can find a ho for any type of need - slapping, choking, aggressive sex beyond what your girlfriend will do - you won't do stuff to your girlfriend that will make her lose her self esteem." Source

“I guess the big thing is the control aspect of it. When you’re with a prostitute you have control over what happens. You get to have control over what you do, when, how, in what order, and I like that.” Source

“I would have no issue making a girl do what I want, after all that is what I pay for. 60 minutes of HER time to make ME happy doing whatever I want. If she doesn’t like it she is in the wrong game. I never spit on a girl but I have raised my hand to a girl.” Source

Recognising that the women they buy are unwilling participants

“I wish she had loosened up or pretended to be into it more. She grimaced as I came on her which was a turn off…Would recommend for those interested in ethnic girls, big boobs…just wish she’d lighten up a bit.” Source

“[She] pulled away, which really put me off. She didn’t seem to like her hair being touched…she just seemed really on edge for the whole, short time I was with her.” Source

“She had the gagging expression on her face…again she just lay there and complained about it hurting.” Source

“I got the impression she was somewhere else, and even though she looked, she wouldn’t make eye contact. Total waste of cash. The management should starve girls like this to make them perform.” Source

“Overall, she is quite attractive, but doesn’t have a great attitude and gives the impression that she doesn’t really want to be here.” Source 

Describing signs of women who have been trafficked for sexual exploitation

“Onto the sex which was the best part as Hana was tight and able to take instuctions [sic] well. Her English is non existant [sic] in April but may be better now. Lucky for me i was able to converse in some Korean with her.”- ‘Might and Power’, Punter Planet, 19 June 2011

“The thing that struck me was the absence of the usual cheerful welcoming manner I enjoy with most other Thai girls. She did flash a pretty smile once or twice but mostly made it glumly obvious that my visit was just a chore for her. So although I got my semen extracted, I couldn’t call that a joyful hour.” Source 

“Cold and passive. I tried to talk to her to understand if there was an issue: homesickness, personal event? Unfortunately with her poor English, I could barely get a few words as an answer…She remained passive and distant.” Source

“Ukrainian brunette in her teenage years…She seemed disinterested and took off her clothes as if she was merely doing a duty, alarm bells started ringing as she lay down on the bed without a word, no attempt at trying to warm up and break the ice…Her English is poor…[she] seemed nervous and fidgety.” Source

“Unenthusiastic, dispassionate…she claimed afterwards that she was “just tired” but I suspect she’s not cut out for being a WG [Working Girl]. I wonder if it would be stretching a thought too far to question if she had in any way been coerced?” Source

As Mary Lucille Sullivan pointed out in her book Making Sex Work, “The [sex] buyer’s economic power means he determines how the sexual act will be played out. Buyers believe their purchasing power entitles them to demand any type of sex they want.” It is clear that many men are more concerned with the quality of the 'sexual service' than the fact that women they pay to exploit are not there by choice. 

See Also:

Customer reviews of prostituted women- The Invisible Men Project

Who are the invisible men buying women in Brisbane?

Quotes from Australian sex buyers- Johns Australia 

The Guardian: Why men use prostitutes

Comparing sex buyers with men who don't buy sex

 


Showing 14 reactions

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  • commented 2015-05-09 05:45:41 +1000
    I’m just presenting an alternative view. I understand I may not be representative of most “johns”. I am glad to have had the experience, but it’s not something I’m going to make a habit of. She offered me a bit of companionship and a confidence boost when I needed it. It was about a year and a half after I found out my wife was having an affair and I was at my lowest. To tell the truth I’m more ashamed of driving drunk and crashing my car into a tree than I am of visiting a prostitute.

    I told her my sob story and she told me her real name and her story and then gave me a hug when I left. Two intelligent – but perhaps a bit damaged – people crossing paths in an imperfect way.
  • commented 2015-05-08 16:19:34 +1000
    Realise that may be a bit discriminatory and youre experience is possible but sadly not the norm.
  • commented 2015-05-08 16:17:33 +1000
    Wheel heung, if your story doesnt match the vast amount of johns who display psychopathic tendencies towards women, then not sure why youre posting apart from as a not all men case study. And #not all men tell the truth.
  • commented 2015-05-08 09:28:41 +1000
    It is possible to, both, respect the woman one is sharing a sexual experience with and pay her for the privilege. I do not speak for all men; just me. Once.
  • commented 2015-04-19 21:49:33 +1000
    For the man to respect a woman there has to be a element acknowledging that she is a human being a gift, but when a male is brought up with arrogance disrespect in the family there is one lesson woman means zero, I know what it means to be hated and treated with dis-Dane, and did not know how bad it was till last Sunday at church hearing about the sex trade. I think the adpotthenordic approach is the way to go but then men run our country and going by our parliament then is a lot of women haters there
  • commented 2015-04-18 07:00:22 +1000
    The nordic model cant come soon enough. Men who buy sex are the demand that drives slavery. Its about time the law started focusing on them and their pathological disregard for human rights of women and children.
  • commented 2015-04-16 11:06:10 +1000
    David On Tour are you a john, and that’s why you “know” so many prostituted women? Of course the women you rent won’t tell you how repulsive they find you. Massaging your ego is in the job description.
  • commented 2015-04-04 00:50:31 +1100
    I’m not going to judge those who sell themselves for sex and enjoy it. Nor am I going to judge those who sell themselves for sex because they were forced to. But I like the idea of the law some countries in developed parts of Europe have: to prosecute the buyer, and not the seller. If a law outlaws prostitution, the prostitutes who have been coerced into their work are afraid to come forth because they risk being thrown in jail or being deported from the country, if they have no permit to live there (which is sadly frequent). If we only prosecute those who buy the services, i.e. they are (perhaps unwittingly) supporting the sex slave trade and such trafficking, then the prostitutes need not be afraid to run away and seek help. The same goes for children who are brought into the business – you cannot prosecute a child for selling himself or herself if the child isn’t even fully aware of how grave the situation is. Child porn and child prostitution is already outlawed more than any other type, but I still believe that the laws should aim toward punishing the buyer and not the seller.

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but my opinion is specifically that people who are forced against their will to work as prostitutes should be able to seek help without being afraid to go to an authority and risk being punished for something that wasn’t their fault.
  • commented 2015-04-03 20:08:31 +1100
    Melinda the idea of “women being bought and sold like commodities” is a very strange one. The sex workers I know see themselves as providing a paid service like any other, albeit for much larger sums of money than most. They are comfortable with the work and several I know deliberately left other jobs to do so. It certainly isn’t work that would suit everyone but it isn’t up to others to judge or to redefine the concept of selling.
  • commented 2015-04-03 19:34:52 +1100
    Hello Francois. Great comment about someone you know nothing about. Perhaps you think it’s preferable to go to a bar, pick up a drunk woman, have a one night stand and dump her the next morning, then do it again the next night. There is nothing ‘repulsive’ about two consenting adults having sex, whether money is involved or not.
  • commented 2015-04-03 15:33:32 +1100
    David On Tour, I look foward to your upcoming comment showing why you became such a repulsive, disgusting human being.
  • commented 2015-04-03 12:26:17 +1100
    “…Repeating that only current sex workers are qualified to talk about the sex industry is an attempt to silence survivor’s voices and pretend that the consequences of prostitution apply only to those in prostitution.

    It is true that much feminist opposition to prostitution has focused on the harms to women in prostitution, and rightly so, these harms are serious and endemic. But, as advocates of the Nordic Model point out, the existence of systems of prostitution is also a barrier to gender equality.

    As long as women (and yes there are men in prostitution, but please, let’s be honest and admit that using “people” here would only obfuscate the fact that the vast majority of those in prostitution are women) can be bought and sold like commodities for sex is an issue for all women…."
    Read more: “10 myths about prostitution, trafficking and the Nordic model”
    http://feministcurrent.com/8347/10-myths-about-prostitution-trafficking-and-the-nordic-model/
  • commented 2015-04-03 12:20:09 +1100
    Looking forward to your balancing post showing the positive comments left by clients. I have several close friends who are sex workers, who in turn know many others. They report that most clients are not abusive and that the majority of abuse comes from those who are idealistically opposed to their work. Attempting to portray these comments as being somehow representative is as dishonest as claiming that violent husbands somehow represent all marriages. Engage with current sex workers, talk and listen to them and you’ll discover that the truth is very different to the myths.
  • commented 2015-04-02 23:21:45 +1100
    I am so repulsed by the comments and general attitudes of men paying for sex. I wonder, also, about the attitudes of men paying for men, worst of all all for children and rarest of all women paying for sex.
    The buyers and pimps, especially if it is closer to slavery, should be the only ones prosecuted.
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