Growing Up in Pornland: Girls Have Had It with Porn Conditioned Boys

Melinda Tankard Reist as published on ABC Religion and Ethics

"[I want] better education regarding sex for both boys and girls [and] information about pornography, and the way it influences harmful sexual practices."

These are the words of Lucy, aged 15, one of 600 young Australian women and girls who took part in a just-released survey commissioned by Plan Australia and Our Watch. The survey, conducted by Ipsos, gathered responses from the girls and young women aged 15-19 in all states and territories.

In the survey report, entitled Don't send me that pic, participants reported that online sexual abuse and harassment were endemic. More than 80% said it was unacceptable for boyfriends to request naked images.

Sexual bullying and harassment are part of daily life for many girls. Young people are speaking out more and more about how these practices have links with pornography - and so they should, because they have most to lose.

Pornography is moulding and conditioning the sexual behaviours and attitudes of boys, and girls are being left without the resources to deal with these porn-saturated boys.

My own engagement with young women over the last few years in schools around Australia, confirms that we are conducting a pornographic experiment on young people - an assault on their healthy sexual development.

If there are still any questions about whether porn has an impact on young people's sexual attitudes and behaviours, perhaps it's time to listen to young people themselves. Girls and young women describe boys pressuring them to provide acts inspired by the porn they consume routinely. Girls tell of being expected to put up with things they don't enjoy.

Some see sex only in terms of performance, where what counts most is the boy enjoying it. I asked a 15-year-old about her first sexual experience. She replied: "I think my body looked OK. He seemed to enjoy it". Many girls seem cut off from their own sense of pleasure or intimacy. That he enjoyed it is the main thing. Girls and young women are under a lot of pressure to give boys and men what they want, to adopt pornified roles and behaviours, with their bodies being merely sex aids. Growing up in a pornified landscape, girls learn that they are service stations for male gratification and pleasure.

Asked "How do you know a guy likes you?," a Year 8 replied: "He still wants to talk to you after you suck him off." A male high school student said to a girl: "If you suck my dick I'll give you a kiss." Girls are expected to provide sex acts for tokens of affection. A 15-year-old told me she didn't enjoy sex at all, but that getting it out of the way quickly was the only way her boyfriend would settle down and watch a movie with her.

I'm increasingly seeing Year 7 girls who seek help on what to do about requests for naked images. Being asked "send me a picture of your tits" is an almost daily occurrence for many. "How do I say 'no' without hurting his feelings"? girls ask.  

As the Plan Australia/Our Watch report found, girls are tired of being pressured for images they don't want to send, but they seem resigned to how normal the practice has become. Boys use the images as a form of currency, to swap and share and to use to humiliate girls publicly.

Year 7 girls ask me questions about bondage and S&M. Many of them had seen 50 Shades of Grey (which was released on Valentine's Day). They ask, if he wants to hit me, tie me up and stalk me, does that mean he loves me? Girls are putting up with demeaning and disrespectful behaviours, and thereby internalizing pornography's messages about their submissive role.

I meet girls who describe being groped in the school yard, girls routinely sexually harassed at school or on the school bus on the way home. They tell me boys act like they are entitled to girls' bodies. Defenders of porn often say that it provides sex education. And it does: it teaches even very young boys that women and girls are always up for it. "No" in fact means yes, or persuade me.

Girls describe being ranked at school on their bodies, and are sometimes compared to the bodies of porn stars. They know they can't compete, but that doesn't stop them thinking they have to. Requests for labiaplasty havetripled in a little over a decade among young women aged 15-24. Girls who don't undergo porn-inspired "Brazilian" waxing are often considered ugly or ungroomed (by boys as well as by other girls).

Some girls suffer physical injury from porn-inspired sexual acts, including anal sex. The director of a domestic violence centre on the Gold Coast wrote to me a couple of years ago about the increase in porn-related injuries to girls aged 14 and up, from acts including torture:

"In the past few years we have had a huge increase in intimate partner rape of women from 14 to 80+. The biggest common denominator is consumption of porn by the offender. With offenders not able to differentiate between fantasy and reality, believing women are 'up for it' 24/7, ascribing to the myth that 'no means yes and yes means anal', oblivious to injuries caused and never ever considering consent. We have seen a huge increase in deprivation of liberty, physical injuries, torture, drugging, filming and sharing footage without consent."

The Australian Psychological Society estimates that adolescent boys are responsible for around 20% of rapes of adult women and between 30% and 50% of all reported sexual assaults of children. Just last week , Emeritus Professor Freda Briggs argued that online pornography is turning children into copycat sexual predators - acting out on other children what they are seeing in porn.

A 2012 review of research on "The Impact of Internet Pornography on Adolescents" found that adolescent consumption of Internet pornography was linked to attitudinal changes, including acceptance of male dominance and female submission as the primary sexual paradigm, with women viewed as "sexual playthings eager to fulfil male sexual desires." The authors found that "adolescents who are intentionally exposed to violent sexually explicit material were six times more likely to be sexually aggressive than those who were not exposed."

I have asked girls what messages they might like me to pass on to boys. So far, these messages include: "Stop telling us we are wet," "Stop commenting on our bodies," "Stop demanding pictures," "Rape jokes are never funny" and "Sex before the age of consent is illegal."

The proliferation and globalisation of hypersexualised imagery and pornographic themes makes healthy sexual exploration almost impossible. Sexual conquest and domination are untempered by the bounds of respect, intimacy and authentic human connection. Young people are not learning about intimacy, friendship and love, but about cruelty and humiliation. As a recent study found:

"online mainstream pornography overwhelmingly centered on acts of violence and degradation toward women, the sexual behaviors exemplified in pornography skew away from intimacy and tenderness and typify patriarchal constructions of masculinity and femininity."

It is intimacy and tenderness that so many girls and young women say they are looking for. A young woman told me that on dating sites she lists under "fetish" wanting to stare longingly into someone's eyes and to take sex slow. She said if she didn't put these desires in the "fetish" category, they wouldn't warrant a second glance.

But how will young women find these sensual, slow-burn experiences in men indoctrinated by pornography? Psychologist Philip Zimbardo says of young men: "They don't know the language of face to face contact ... Constant arousal, change, novelty excitement makes them out of sync with slow developing relationships - relationships which build slowly."

It is wrong to leave sexual formation in the hands of the global sex industry. We need to do more to help young people stand up against warped notions of sexuality conveyed in pornography.

Fortunately, the ill-effects of the pornographic experiment on relationships and sexuality are being named out loud. A groundbreaking Australia-first symposium on the issue was held at UNSW last month, to a standing room crowd, and a current Senate inquiry is gathering evidence of the distorting harmful impacts of porn on our young people.

Most importantly, it's young people themselves demanding change. Josie, 18, is quoted in the Plan Australia/Our Watch report:

"We need some sort of crack down on the violent pornography that is currently accessible to boys and men. This violent pornography should be illegal to make or view in Australia as we clearly have a problem with violence and boys are watching a lot of pornography which can be very violent ... This is influencing men's attitude towards women and what they think is acceptable. Violent pornography is infiltrating Australian relationships."

Girls like Lucy and Josie deserve our response.

As published here on ABC Religion and Ethics 


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  • Caitlin Roper
    commented 2016-04-04 22:59:22 +1000
    I’m afraid I have to disagree Tahnee. The porn industry has not been around for thousands of years- the industry as we know it today began back in the fifties with Playboy and Penthouse magazines.

    This very specific type of pornography referenced in the article is mainstream pornography. It is what you will find if you type ‘porn’ into google. It is what consumers are watching, and it is what is keeping the $200 billion porn industry afloat. Yes, other niche genres of porn exist, however, they are statistically irrelevant.

    You are right, adolescent girls also access pornography, but the research tells us that porn is primarily used by males, and when women view porn it is most often with a (male) partner. I don’t see how that changes the fact that boys are finding their sexual tastes shaped by the pornography they consume, and acting out on girls? Boys themselves tell us as much…and so do the girls.

    The vast majority of porn websites require no age verification and if they do, it involves clicking “I am over 18”, which let’s face it, any 6 year old can do. The porn industry also actively targets children by studying common keystroke errors they make and directing them to porn sites, as well as by creating entire porn sites modelled on popular children’s cartoon characters- e.g. My Little Pony porn. This multi billion dollar industry is preying on kids and parents can’t keep up. All the child needs is access to the internet or a smart phone- or a friend with access to the internet or a smart phone.

    Surely in a competition between parents and a multi-billion dollar industry you can see that the odds are not exactly stacked in the parents’ favour?
  • Tahnee McKenzie
    commented 2016-04-04 22:45:52 +1000
    I see where this is coming from, however i’d have to disagree that it’s all connected to porn and the porn industry, as they’ve been around for thousands of years, if not longer. I’m more inclined to towards a lack of education, a lack of adult intervention and explanation, and also general societal expectations and conditioned responses.

    The article also appears to be speaking about a very specific type of pornography, one in which the male is dominant and agressive. There are countless genres, some where the male is submissive, and some where they appear to be tender and loving. is a little too broad to blame the whole industry for a very specific genre.

    I understand that it seems to be centralising on the fact that it is focussed on adolecent males obtaining this material, however, I’d like to point out that girls acccess this material as well. Also that to access these websites people are required to be 18, and obviously these children are not, so it falls on the responsible adult to ensure that the material is not accessable
  • Randy Fischer
    commented 2016-04-04 11:58:56 +1000
    Jamie… I am no ‘holier’ than you are Jamie. I sin grievously every day just like you and every other person on this planet does.

    Deut 21:15-16 does NOT state that a man can have more than one wife. God made marriage to be between a man and a woman from the beginning. Look in Genesis. Christ repeats it in Mark 10. But you twisted it for your convenience.
    Ephesians 6:5 does NOT condone slaverly. It tells you how to behave if you are a slave. Again, you twisted it for your convenience.

    No where did I say that progressives are satanists. I explained that Satan is who says that you only need to spend quality time with your kids - just like the progressives say the same thing. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Your kids need as much time as is possible from you.

    Yes, women are to submit to their husbands — but you keep forgetting that husbands are supposed to submit to God’s will and treat their wives like Christ treated the Church (He suffered and died for the church if you recall). Why don’t you do a little reading about what Jesus said in the Gospel of Mark chapter 10 – particularly verses 2-18.

    What is so special about the New Testament that I should follow it, Jamie? If I follow that, I must follow the Old Testament as well. If I pick and choose, I am only making myself into my own god. Jesus said very clearly that “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, etc” and “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”.

    As for a moral compass…. Who is to say my moral compass is right? Who is to say your moral compass is right? Who is to say Jeffrey Dahmer’s moral compass was right? That is the pickle we get ourselves in when we turn ourselves into gods. Every body’s moral compass is different. ISIS’ moral compass says it’s OK to exterminate infidels. Tim McVeigh and his buddy – their moral compass said it was OK to blow up children in a day care.

    The article bemoans what has happened to society. What has happened to society has happened because many folks’ moral compasses are badly out of whack. I expresssed my view on how to fix the situation. You got all uptight about what you THOUGHT I stood for and you didn’t even bother addressing the points about raising the kids. You can believe what you want, Jamie. But try acting like a grown up when you see a point of view that you don’t like.
  • Jamie Raisbeck
    commented 2016-04-04 09:10:37 +1000
    Turn back to God? Are you kidding me Randy Fischer?
    The BIBLE condones Women being sexually submissive to their partners.
    It says that men who go to war and take captives they can TAKE a beautiful woman they find as a WIFE. Not once does this ask for the woman’s consent.
    Deuteronomy 21:15-16 states that a man can have MORE than one wife – but you “Christians” are always moaning about the “Sanctity of Marriage” and how it should be between ONE man and ONE woman.

    The bible condones Slavery – even in the new testament.
    Ephesians 6:5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.

    The BIBLE was written BY men FOR men. The Holy Spirit might have tried to pass on Gods word to mankind, but the message got Chinese Whispered the SHIT out of it before it ever reached the Quill.

    Either follow ONLY whats in the NEW Testament (with the exception of the 10 Commandments if you like) – although CLEARLY there is a lot of messed up s*** in the NEW testament as well – about being GOOD to your fellow man, or shut up about your so called Holier-than-thou lifestyle.

    And Progressives are NOT satanists.
    We are just people who have our OWN moral compass without the need for some invisible sky-daddy to point the way with fear of eternal hell if we don’t comply.

    YOU need a threat to be a good person.
    We do not.
  • Çathî Tombaugh
    commented 2016-04-03 02:14:31 +1100
    Smells like fish
  • Randy Fischer
    commented 2016-04-03 01:40:22 +1100
    So here is the answer. Turn back to God. Tell Satan where to get off. Leave the fantasy world behind. I believe that with God we CAN go back to a better time. We must do so for the sake of our children. Preach God and the Bible and Christ crucified. Turn off the TV. Monitor what your kids see on the internet. Parents, you are supposed to be in control.
    Contrary to what Satan (the progressives) says, it is NOT about spending quality time with your kids – rather it is quality AND quantity time. They are only small for a while. Use that time to teach them. If you don’t brain-wash them, culture will brain-wash them.
  • Dunstan Bertschinger
    commented 2016-04-02 18:11:20 +1100
    The issue with porn is too big to be ignored.
    Too big for be left to the ‘sex educators’.

    If you have kids of your own or know anyone under 25 then you gotta get informed. This shit is going down right now in a for kids near you. Its a cold and emotionally brutal world out there. Physical and emotionally abusive sex has become normalised.

    Article like this paint a sobering picture.

    SEX and LOVE have become divorced. I’m not talking about ‘now he is going to be with me forever’ love, I’m talking about basic dignity. I’m talking about love as a very real kind of FELT CONNECTION between two humans.

    And its not just women that are affected, although they may be better at articulating what is going on…

    Porno-consciousness is a disease and 100% of young people growing up in today’s world will be exposed to it. Probably long before they even reach puberty.

    THIS NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT

    As horrible as this reality is, we need to get it out in the open and deal with it.

    Condoms are not going to stop this disease from spreading.
    This is more contagious than the bubonic plague.

    Kids are getting exposed to this younger and younger.
    Most ADULTS are going to be adversely affected by watching porn, whether they realise it or not.

    So what effect do you think its going to have on a 12 year old? How about a 9 year old?

    The porn ‘industry’ is not going to go away overnight.
    The internet is here to stay.
    Parental controls! Are you kidding?

    The emotional landscape is toxic. Kids are under attack. The innocence of their sexuality has been polluted.

    There is no point arguing about WHOSE FAULT IT IS. We are too late for that…

    No, what we need to do is to somehow find a way to create something new out of this toxic wasteland. It is time to reunite SEX with LOVE. To start to explore the mystery and discover what is possible between human beings. Time to create a NEW NORMAL for sexuality. And it begins with YOU. Are you ready to bring the magic back into your sexuality? Are you willing to reject all that is not loving?

    Imagine what would happen if women everywhere started to just say NO to ALL pornography-polluted interactions. Just NO. I am not going to demean myself. I am not interested in disconnection and acting.

    Sacred sexuality is real. It is not common but IS potent. If your heart has been touched just as deeply as your genitals then you will know it.

    I repeat: PORN IS NOT GOING TO GO AWAY

    With a vacuum of wholesome sexuality, pornography has become perceived as ‘what is normal’ by a whole generation of kids growing up online.

    We need something better. Something to fill the vacuum.

    Something real and substantial to educate young people about their full potential as living, breathing, growing sexual beings.
    It is not good enough to attempt to deny that kids have sexuality. OF COURSE they are going to explore it.

    But what if we could role model something more beautiful?
    Something so potent that it makes porno look like the cheap C-grade acting that it is?

    Its a big call, right?

    And I want to be honest with you. I’m not there yet.
    Something in me still gets pulled about by porn images.
    There is power in sex. We have to be discerning.

    I want to PURIFY my sexuality. To strip out all that is polluted. All that is FAKE.

    In the face of this epidemic there are SO MANY opportunities for those who have the courage to explore them.

    What if women everywhere began to reject EVERYTHING that didn’t feel good in their bodies?
    What if young boys took a stand and began to seek out some high quality content on sexuality?
    What if we actually made it easy for such materials to be found?

    Imagine a World where kids attempting ridiculous porno style manoeuvres just got LAUGHED AT.

    Its a big call. We have a long way to go.

    I don’t know HOW but my heart has no choice.

    I begin in the only place that I can.
    I begin with ME
  • Randy Fischer
    commented 2016-04-02 11:50:09 +1100
    Alex Lockner…. You would be guessing wrong, sir. Rape is not a crime of ‘passion’. It is a crime of hatred and power. Casual sex and so-called ‘date rape’ on the other hand is fueled by out of control hormones. Kids (boys OR girls) are no longer taught respect for others, nor are they taught self-control. The mind-set of ‘gotta have it now’ leaves no room for delayed gratification. The unfortunate truth is that males are aroused by and have always been aroused by what they see. Males and females are NOT the same, contrary to what the feminists would say. I won’t deny that porn is a part of it BUT only a small part. Regular TV with its ‘sex is OK outside of marriage" message is a bigger part. As are the movies that show sex and violence. As are the fashions that this programming promotes. If a girl dresses modestly and doesn’t go to his apt for a night cap and doesn’t invite him into her apt for a night cap, things would be a good bit less wild out there. If girls were still expected to virgins when they marry, it would go a long way. And if boys were taught self-control, that would go a long way.

    As for porn….. yes, it is way too easy to find. But there is little you can do to stop the source. Rather you must teach the kids what is right and wrong. Too many parents have abdicated that responsibility. Too many parents are only interested in keeping up with the Joneses rather than teaching their kids what is right and wrong..
  • Mada Rewop
    commented 2016-04-02 06:37:11 +1100
    “Endemic” does not mean “widespread” or “ubiquitous”.
  • Alex Lockner
    commented 2016-04-02 04:45:42 +1100
    Randy Fischer, I’m guessing when you hear of a rape your first question is “what was she wearing”. While I believe women should take responsibility for how men look at them by what they wear I in no way believe the current sexual depravity of this world stems from this. Take away the demand and you will no longer see prostitutes, human trafficking, etc. Unfortunately these issues are drive by men. They are the ones who need to get their hearts right.
  • Ida Still
    commented 2016-04-02 00:51:04 +1100
    Amy Lynn – I was going to say the same.
  • Amy Lynn
    commented 2016-04-01 11:30:40 +1100
    One huge issue missing from this article is this: it is widely researched and confirmed that guys who masterbate to alot of porn have trouble keeping it up and ejaculating during typical lovemaking. There is a direct correlation between habitual masterbating with porn and not being fully aroused to climax by a human partner.
  • Randy Fischer
    commented 2016-04-01 07:01:47 +1100
    As a 60ish male who has watched this transpire, I am going to say that “Moms – it’s up to you.” And “Dads, you’d better be backing mom up in this”. Untill the kid is out of the house and conducting her own life… You are responsible for what she is wearing. You are responsible for what she is doing. You MUST set those boundaries – kids protest but they really do want boundaries. AND set a good example, please. Privacy is NOT something that is allowed. And get to a good confessional church. It worked pretty well for our 20 year old daughter whom we adopted at age 10 – already sexualized. The book series “Love & Logic” was a great help too.
  • Louise Côté
    commented 2016-04-01 00:11:39 +1100
    You raise an important point, Arzu. I live in Canada and I see how our society has hypersexualized girls – prepubescent girls. I cringe every time I go to a shopping mall and not just because of the floor to ceiling images from lingerie shops, but from the actual clothes selection available for girls. My daughter is 6 years old. If I were to shop for her in an average mall, at chain stores that are ubiquitous in this country, she would have the option of wearing hot pants, micro mini skirts, tube tops and even shoes with heels. Toys, movies, TV shows all display girls in sexualized clothing. The stage is set at a very young age for girls to be conditioned to present themselves in a sexual way. Add to this the everpresent and easy access to porn and we have a society that believes girls and women are sexual objects, and nothing more. Even the word “feminist” has become derogatory! I don’t think it is a coincidence. As a young girl in the 70´s and 80’s, I grew up believing I could choose any career, I could and should develop my intellectual curiosity and creativity. I believe the hypersexulization of young girls is a response to the feminist movement and is designed to put girls and women back in their “rightful” place, namely in the servitude of male desire. And what makes this so malevolent is that any calls for restricting porn on the internet are met with cries of limiting freedom of speech. What harm would it do to offer an opt-in to porn? Then people who want it streaming into their homes can have it. Those of us who view it as harmful and detrimental to the psychological development of our youth wouldn’t have to worry about it. We don’t allow hate speech as it is harmful. Why do we allow porn?
  • Medusa Jordan
    commented 2016-03-31 10:17:40 +1100
    I have 2 sons, and this is one of the reasons I am glad I did not have daughters. Things are so much worse in this way than when I was a girl/ young woman in the 80s.
  • Medusa Jordan
    commented 2016-03-31 10:16:23 +1100
    Well done Brad Adams – you have put the blame squarely on young women, not the producers and consumers of porn. The % of women that behave in the way you describe is TINY, and there are presumably no year 7 or 8’s stripping off on the Gold Coast!

    I agree with Arzu’s response to you, girls and young women are shown that what we look like and being sexy is ALL that matters – just look at the kind of abuse a young woman will get on youtube, for example – men and women get terrible comments, but the sexually orientated comments are almost always aimed at women and girls.

    This makes things incredibly difficult for a teen who is trying to work out how she wants to explore her sexuality. Most teen girls do not have the assertiveness and courage to be firm and direct with all boys/ men, and if they do they probably get called cock blocking bitches.
  • Anne Cutchie
    commented 2016-03-30 17:47:21 +1100
    Melinda, we need to hear more on your ideas of what to do for our girls. You say “we need to do more”. I SO agree, but spell it out, be specific, for the sake of the many mums who really don’t know what to do, but just want to cry. Keep up the great work!
  • Arzu Unel-Cleary
    commented 2016-03-30 09:29:55 +1100
    Brad I really hear what you’re saying, but we HAVE to look beyond the deeper motivations underlying the attention seeking behaviour you speak of. And therein lies the true power of all this… when a young girl is conditioned from a very early age that what gets a males attention and approval (aka ‘love’ in the naïve psyche of a child), this becomes inextricably linked with her self esteem. I’m not talking about hard porn here, I’m talking about the more socially acceptable (and therefore highly damaging) stuff like some music videos, the way young girls are used to promote clothes to children, the way dance schools sex up their acts and doll up 5 year olds with make up, you know there are sooo many issues here and the scary thing is they have become normalised. Most of us don’t even ‘hear’ the abuse in some pop music lyrics that are going in very deeply for the young person. We don’t get the extent of the degradation. We don’t question it. A woman grows up and removes all her hair because she’ll be teased if she doesn’t. She performs and obliges and feels good about herself and doesn’t get the depth of the abuse, that she is complicit in. It’s a SOCIETAL issue, not a male issue. Neither gender is inherently to blame here. But I will say that the more women can ‘wake up’ to what is going on deep within them, and heal the many ‘subtle’ abuses and search for love in ways that are far more nourishing and fulfilling than instant gratification, then they can be role models for their children. And clearly men and father’s have an equally important role to play in this ‘honouring’ of themselves and of their women-folk. A girls self esteem is largely influenced by how the ‘father’ subtly treats the mother. We are all in this together, but it starts right here, within ‘ME’ if I want to create change. And that’s what I was referring to in my first comment. Please reconsider how you judge the women you speak of, and some compassion may follow… just a thought.
  • Brad Adams
    commented 2016-03-29 19:08:53 +1100
    I’m with Yvonne. I’m no prude but I often stand at the magazine rack in the newsagent and see forty magazines with a naked or near naked women on the cover and know within each one are another twenty or more doing the same. How many hundred thousand could I find on the internet? So the question often comes to me is it the money being offered that lures these women to do what they do or is it a passion to show off? I’ve been in nightclubs when visiting the Gold Coast where twenty girls stripped off for a wet t-shirt competition for just a shirt and the host had his hands full trying to stop the girls from stripping naked. They seemed to be doing it just because they could and for the thrill like I see on TV the girls on Spring Break and in New Orleans doing it for $1 beads. It also seems that when one girl gets involved she then encourages her friends to do the same. Sex is a commodity and some women will keep undercutting the competition and lowering the standard. When the guys wake up to what some women will do for a set of plastic beads or a t-shirt or a kiss then their expectations are lowered as well. These women are doing their gender no favours and I wonder what came first, the desire to show off or the enticement to do it?
  • Arzu Unel-Cleary
    commented 2016-03-29 15:26:26 +1100
    after you read this, please watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvXBCSiPRBQ I really feel that change has to come from us, the parents. It’s easy to target porn (and it’s softer relations; music videos/fashion industry), but if we see our own sexuality on a continuum, with porn and the behaviours described in this article at one end, and we can be honest with ourselves about where we are on this continuum of unconscious, goal-orientated, performance based love making, and we are open to unlearning and relearning, THEN I think we can offer our children an alternative model to learn from
  • Jeffrey Bockser
    commented 2016-03-29 05:18:09 +1100
    Pornography does not lead to healthy sexual expression. It only leads to a degradation and decline of human love relationships. This seems to be totally obvious. Our civilization is in decline due to a general erosion of values such as respect, tenderness, simplicity, privacy, pursuit of beauty, psychological integration (rather than an acting out catharthis of neurosis and aggression). The solution to sexual repression is not about bondage and sadomachiscism.
  • George Matousek
    commented 2016-03-28 14:04:19 +1100
    Obviously there is a problem, but saying unrealistic things like: “violent pornography should be illegal to make or view in Australia” is a waste of time, why even quote that? Where are the mentors that could show these lost young people a better alternative? Just because someone is complaining that they don’t like the situation that they are in does not mean that they will be willing to take the effort to do something about it. I was in an area where excellent programs were being offered, but over time they started to disappear. I asked one mentor who was very important to me why he was leaving because the work he was doing was so important and he said that “people don’t want truth any more, they just want to be more comfortable where they are at.” I fought with him about this, but eventually saw that he is correct, instant gratification is what it is about, and if it takes effort, pop a pill or the equivalent. I think one reason that boys/men are such jerks is because the women put up with it. In the article the girl says she has sex with her boyfriend so that he would watch a movie with her. This is what I mean, if I was her I’d put some chili sauce on his wiener as soon as he pulled it out an tell him to get out of my life
  • Anonymous
    commented 2016-03-26 12:50:59 +1100
    The visual aspect of porn actually displaces the young man in sex. Porn (and advertising / media) stimulation is all visual which leaves boys completely dislocated when they encounter a real body in sex. No space for the slow exploration that is discovering sex with another on an equal footing. And as a visual medium porn has to go to extremes to succeed in… well whatever success is in the porn industry.
    When I think about porn, rape, commercialisation of sex, child abuse, domestic violence, I wonder if sex is broken.
  • Yvonne Richmond
    commented 2016-03-09 20:41:22 +1100
    Strip clubs, thousands of them all around us. Every day. Every night. Bikini car washes at traffic intersections in Melbourne, topless drinks venues for oh so hard working men. Grid girls, again just there for their looks? Ok maybe they do help the general public to find their way around the race track, but hey, I wasn’t born yesterday. Puppy dogs with cute ribbons around their necks could do just as good a job. Girls in gold bikinis, or orange lycra shorts and white tank tops, selling stuff or serving stuff on the streets and in pubs on the Gold Coast. Where do these fit into porn culture? Why is this being ignored? This prolification of females being sexualized. Yet actually, and sadly, happy to oblige? Seems it’s being encouraged. Talked about and laughed about on radio by the DJ’s. Promoted to men. Men’s entitlement? They are not just pictures or images in a magazine or on a screen. They are real. They are usually female. Young. Scantily dressed. Or naked. I don’t get it. I certainly don’t like it. What’s in it for me? Nothing!! Not while I can’t walk around my neighbourhood or out for a night of fun and feel safe. That should be my entitlement. But it isn’t.

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